Caring for a neurodivergent, disabled child or young person is not always the easiest of tasks. Parents of these children need a lot of personal resources for themselves to manage the day-to-day emotional heavy lifting they have to do for their child as well as for all in their family.

With referrals at all-time high for an official diagnosis for many of these children and young people, as well as the interminable wait for Educational Health Care Plans’ to be taken on board by schools. There appears to be very little support for the Emotional Wellbeing of the parents of these young people – I am concerned about this because these parents often feel judged by professionals, that they don’t really care about what they are saying to them, the professional is too busy box ticking, instead of really listening and reflecting on what is going on for this parent and what it is they need for themselves to keep going. So much so the parent feels they are very overlooked and easily dismissed.

Parents of disabled children often find that in the school holidays there are very few places they can take their child for sensory play, or play with other children and families. The facilities offered are not always adjustable for a child with a severe learning disability, or there are access issues if they are in a wheelchair. Having sensory and play facilities that cater for disabled children really assist the emotional wellbeing of these parents, they can join in with other parents and discover mutual experiences that help them, or just share their worries and concerns with a very understanding other who is facing exactly the same challenges.

Below are some of the benefits of emotional wellbeing and a few reflections on how to achieve this for caring parents and caregivers when joining a special needs community:

1. Venting is good for you:

Being able to let off steam with a trusted others in a safe space – is a really great stress release. Particularly, when there is no judgment as every person in the room already knows how and what you feel.

2. Finding a safe and trustworthy space where you are accepted:

Finding a special needs community group who are facing the same challenges as yourself where you can feel safe, heard and listened too can help you to feel that you are not alone in the struggles you are facing. Facebook, has many community groups of special needs parents who are facing the same challenges with their own child or young person, they already know what you know. Not feeling judged or being judged helps create a trustworthy space, where sharing the highs and lows together may makes things more tolerable.

3. A place where others are not trying to fix things or make you feel better:

Although many special needs parents want practical solutions to their problems. Much of the time when talking to other parents all they really want is the active supportive listening by someone who really ‘gets it’, rather than someone who is ‘trying to fix it’. Sometimes there is just the need to say things ‘out-loud’! Special needs parents know there are no easy answers but it is uplifting to say it out-loud, to be able to voice a concern, to be heard and NOT be dismissed.

4. A place to be able to talk about difficult things:

Having an honest conversation about difficult things with most caring parents is a lot easier than many Professionals may feel. These parents will be willing to have difficult conversations about unsayable things as they really know what their child’s needs and about what the requirements are necessary for their child and for themselves to make their own life run more smoothly. Many caring parents have gathered the necessary skills to cope with a more complex life.
Finding a sense of humour with likeminded others and being able to laugh about difficult things is a form of camaraderie among special needs parents. Laughing about inappropriate behaviour, bodily fluids, the frustrations of a long worn-out bureaucratic system, brings caring parents closer together and is a great coping mechanism.

5. Finding a place where other’s do not pity:

Parents of special needs children do not need clumsy, inappropriate comments from neurotypical parents such as ‘poor you’. What they really need is for others to say ‘that sucks, it sounds really tough, let’s have a coffee together’. Special needs parents do need to have an open conversation about the inevitable ups and downs that go on in the caring parent’s life and to find out what other parent’s struggle with in a normal parent interaction.

6. Unique Situations:

Despite these groups of special needs parents, some families still struggle on their own, I would encourage you if you need support to reach out and ask for help. It is not a weakness asking for help it is a strength because you know what you and your child need. Every day you may be dealing with difficult and complicated situations you deserve the best and the most positive help because a little bit of thought around a situation can make the most significant difference.

Attached is a Wellbeing Plan that encourages thinking around your own emotional wellbeing what is it you need and how can you achieve this as time for yourself that is restorative and uplifting.

https://cerebra.org.uk/download/my-wellbeing-plan/

If you need some time for yourself to think about your own wellbeing or if you need some emotional support at this time because you are struggling then please don’t hesitate to contact me to arrange an appointment at:-

info@nickystherapyspace.com
or
ring me on 07485 129603